How are you today? I hope you are good. I am not, not lately.
Most people know me as a passionate guy with great will power. But things have not been the same lately.
I used to think that stress, anger and depression are something that need not to be bothered about, and one can moderate them oneself if they want to, but I have started to feel that it’s not the case anymore for me.
I have realized that these mood disorders are hindering in my productivity. Infact, I am going through the worst era of my productive life. I read less, concentrate less, sleep less, relax less, work less,… and stress more, anger more, anxious more, depress more…
I started making excuses to myself, I deluded myself that I am doing the best I can. All this time I was surrounded by clouds of nothingness, my mind has become a black hole.
Good thing is I have found the cause of this issue. Some choices I made past year, which felt like the best thing to do at that time, now seems like the worst mistake of my life. But now that I know it, I am taking that cancer and removing it from myself physically and morally, for once and for all. It hurts a lot to do so, but I am doing it anyway.
However, the stress has risen to a whole next level, putting me through not only mental, but physical pain, which now seems like not so easy to cope with alone. So, I am looking for some medical help with a psychiatrist.
I know I will get over this problem too, just like always, I just hope to get rid of this fast, just like always .
Lucky are the people who are insane. They see the world the way they want to see. They see other insane people and see themselves in them. Ignorance is bliss.
Lucky are the people who are fools. For they have little mind to understand how things work, and have made themselves understand that nothing is under their control. They learn to be happy with what they have.
Lucky are the people who are irresponsible. Since it is easier to be consistently irresponsible than it is to be responsible. Its not them who suffer, the people who suffer because of them are often the people who care about them.
Lucky are the people who are selfish. For they have more than one person in the world who thinks only about them.
.. and you deserve everything you think that you should get, and once you realize that you deserve it, it is not impossible to get it. Some people say he cheated in his exams, some people say she slept to get the job, some people say they conspired to overthrow the throne. People say he cheated, stole, robbed, lied, sinned to get all the things he has, they say he doesn’t deserve it. I think he deserve it. If he did it and got away with that, he do deserve it. Deserving something has nothing to do with anything more than it has to do with having the balls of making the choice.
They say his father was millionaire. Sure he does deserve it, his forefather bought that right for him. They went out of their way to deserve so much that the effect lasts till generations.
They say he had a jack, they say he got lucky, they say it was over-hyped by media. Why him? Why not you? Did he do something you didn’t.
They say it happened to him, they say the accident made him famous. It’s right, that happens sometimes, so you say the fame he got out of escaping that accident is something he doesn’t deserve. You are right. He won’t be able to live upto this fame if he don’t deserve it. It won’t land him into a great job, won’t get him any commercial ads, won’t get him hired as V.P. for Facebook. If he deserve all this, he will still have to do something relevant, if he doesn’t deserve it, his name will simply fade as soon as it came into limelight.
Things which make noise, initially catch attention, but soon get discarded; but good music is forever, although people may take sometime to appreciate it.
I felt really important when I received my first private cabin at my workplace. It bundled with a dedicated phone, lappy, all stationary and a litter bin. It made me feel grown up and happy.
Some days back, I found two litter bins below my table. It gave me mixed feelings. Good feeling that I got two dedicated litter bins now and bad feeling that probably am too dirty for one bin.
Today I realized that there are four litter bins in my cabin, one at each corner and I feel trashed already. It looks a bit funny to me, but not as much that I can enjoy everyday.
This is neither marketing nor a personal blog, its something between the two. It is partly my journal and also serves me as a notebook or just to share some stuff online. Mainly helps my fellows to know what am upto..
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